Whilst I acknowledge that every day it is important to appreciate those around you every single day, I believe it is special to have a dedicated ‘Mothers Day.’ I don’t believe that it requires any lavish gifts but I think for my mother it offers an opportunity for her to remember how valued she is, and not under-estimate how much my sister and I care about her. Those who know me, will know I am grateful for a lot, I view most endeavors as a fantastic opportunity and learning curve and will readily offer a thank you accompanied by a handshake or hug. Despite my ability to thank people, I am very similar to my mother in the way I avoid expressing sentiment…. I am the person who won’t buy a card if it has a soppy message in. The exposure of sentimental raw emotion is something I am not familiar with expressing verbally as much as I try. My friends and family know that a verbal compliment from me is high praise indeed.

Today is the day my mother will finally get that true appreciation, but through these written words as once again I back out of saying it to her.

The teenage version of me was polar opposite to how I am today, from naturally being a stubborn defiant teenager alongside struggling with my mental health and physical health – my relationship with everybody wasn’t straightforward. My mum stood by me and was my carer but that doesn’t mean she had it easy by any means – really didn’t. Being my carer was not easy, it meant altering her entire life and entering new territory for us both, whilst in reflection we would never change her involvement, I now realise, I definitely didn’t appreciate it at the same level as I do now.

As a young adult, I am fully aware that I don’t just share aesthetic features with my mother but I have so many similar traits and hold the same life values and beliefs. Together we are those people who have the ability to know what the other is thinking, we will turn around, simultaneously saying the exact same words. We thrive in each others company and can work alongside each other with no problems at all. We never argue as one of us will admit we are grumpy before we say something we regret and if the odd occasion occurs where we have very different opinions, we explore it and debate those  interesting views and perceptions.

When I celebrated mothers day with her a day early (yesterday), she presented me with a very special cuddly toy. I have had a tough few weeks and she knew this, so she bought me up the same toy that she bought for me when I was on a pain management course in Bath as a teenager. We were staying in flats associated with the hospital and I had refused to go out with her and I think it would be safe to say that I may not have been as polite or diplomatic as I  have learnt to be. Despite being hurt and upset she went to the Disney store and purchased me ‘Winnie the Pooh.’ I love to feel different textures so to receive him yesterday is just one example of her thoughtfulness and how well she knows me.

This last year I can truly say has been hard – it is nearly a year since I embarked on the 8 month admission that altered my life. To have an unexpected emergency admission into a London hospital was something my mother had always feared, but we had never anticipated the severity of it. To be miles away from me unable to see me but knowing I was so unwell was heartbreaking, even when I was repatriated to Reading or in neurorehab, it was still over 100 miles to get to me. It was tough for her to step back and not see me very often but during these 8 months we reestablished the amazing relationship we were destined to have. I became an independent Young Adult that happens to be her Daughter, and she became my mother rather than my carer. I still have times where I need a little help (somehow haven’t quite learnt to fit housework in yet – but it is likely that I conveniently accept her help on that one). She is always there when I need her and we have mutual respect and love for each other. The mother-daughter relationship we have is so very special and holds memories neither of  us will ever forget. These are good and bad, some have humour only we understand. Having to persevere and fight for every part of my care and treatment has strengthened our relationship and whilst I may struggle to open up and explain if I am upset, I undoubtedly know that she is there and will drop everything to be by my side whenever possible. I couldn’t ask for anything more from her.

The last year has contained numerous ups and downs for both of us, including a number of close bereavements and we therefore strive to continue to be open and honest, to do those things that mean something to us and to make memories every single day. My mum may always naturally worry about me, but is incredibly special to me and never stops me from living the life I want to lead. To grow up learning from her as my role model gives me phenomenal strength and determination that I vow to always utilise in my life. I will never forget the first time she saw me speak at an event and just how much pride she held.

Mum – thank you for being the rock that you are, never forget your value and lets continue to share  the rest of 2018 (and many more years) together, making those memories as a family unit and never holding regrets. We both have so much to give to the world and I consider it an honour to be able to call you my mother (as well as my partner in crime).